


It's Hard To Let Go

by deanandsam



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Gen, Jensen's first day, the boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:20:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29800107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deanandsam/pseuds/deanandsam
Summary: Jensen's getting ready for his first day at his new job, but he can't let go of the past. Fifteen years of Dean Winchester are hard to forget.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 27





	It's Hard To Let Go

From the moment Jensen crawled out of bed that morning, after a sleepless night of tossing and turning, a cloak of melancholy had fallen over him. With an impatient sigh, he tried to shrug it off, making his way to the shower room. 

Melancholy was the last thing he should be feeling, today of all days. Instead, he should be enthusiastic and eager for the new future which awaited him.  
He’d finally put Dean Winchester behind him and was about to clothe himself in the costume of Soldier Boy. A superhero.  
As a kid, he’d always had a longing to be like Batman, a selfless hero who had dedicated his life to helping others, to capturing criminals, outwitting the supervillains who were out to kill him in the most violent ways possible.  
A little like Supernatural, Jensen mused sadly, only instead of supervillains there were monsters. 

That was one of the many reasons he’d enjoyed playing Dean.  
Just like Batman, Dean was a flawed hero, one who’d taken on that burden because of a family tragedy, but instead of having Robin as a sidekick, Dean had his brother.  
Jensen felt his melancholy increase as he remembered how only a few months ago, he’d have been getting ready for work with a whole different attitude because waiting for him was Jared Padalecki. His tall, geeky co-star greeted him each time with the most welcoming of smiles, so infectious that Jensen could do nothing but melt under its sunny warmth.

He knew that was the main reason he was feeling like this. Jared wouldn’t be there to grin at him, to offer words of encouragement, to simply make him feel good, feel loved.  
It wasn’t the first time he’d regretted ending Supernatural. 

Sure, fifteen years was a long time, and now that he and Jared had young children, scooting off to Vancouver for most of the year was no way to bring up kids. They needed their dad.  
Yet, perhaps if they’d known about this lingering virus beforehand, they might just have taken the year off and talked about approaching the show in a different way. It was still, even after all the years, one of the best-rated shows on the network and without false modesty, he knew it was due to his and Jared’s on-screen charisma in portraying the co-dependent, brothers and their out-of-the-box relationship.

He sighed again.  
Maybe Sam and Dean could've been driving around in the Impala, chopping off vampire heads and making goo-goo eyes at each other, or as was written on the script itself 'eye-fucking', instead of him and Jared two thousand miles apart in different shows.

"Stop it,” he muttered angrily to himself. “You made your decision, now you’re going to have to live with it. You need to give your all to this new job.”

But it wasn’t just the absence of Jared or the idea of taking on a new character that was preying on his mind.  
He’d been an actor since he was no more than a kid and he’d been on many sets. He knew what the atmosphere was like on most of them. For that very reason, he and Jared had made the Supernatural set as welcoming as they possibly could to all the actors who came and went from filming. 

Most sets were hotbeds of pettiness, jealousy, and gossip, especially in an ensemble show where every character counted their lines as if they were pearls, envious of those who had a few more than them.  
Jensen didn’t know what the conditions on The Boys set would be like. What he did know though, was that he was the newbie, the one who’d have to shut the fuck up and take whatever was dished out by the lead actors who’d already had two years of acquaintanceship and would regard any new additions to the cast with suspicion.

Oh, they’d be nice to his face, with pats on the back and, "great to have you on-board, Ackles" but behind his back it would be a different story.  
Still, this was the lot of an actor. Behind the glamour, the interviews, and the fawning fans, there was crap too.

Just as he was getting ready to set off for the studios, his phone trilled.  
At the name Jared and at the goofy pic which accompanied it, Jensen smiled. Just at the sight of his friend’s name, he felt better already.  
“Hey, Jen.”  
“Jay,”  
“How’s it going, dude. You ready to act the other actors off the stage?”

“Right now I don’t feel as if I could even get out a line. I’ll probably end up giving a performance like the one we gave on 'The French Mistake’!”

Jared’s chuckle could be heard clear as day. “You’ll be awesome. All you have to do is channel your inner Dean. Sam’s big brother isn’t afraid of anything or anyone, certainly not a bunch of actors.”  
“I suppose.” Jensen's answer sounded completely unconvinced even to his own ears.

“I’ve been through it already, Jen. Having to get to know new people. It’s not so bad if you just concentrate on your character. Listen, I gotta go. I’ve been called to the set. I’ll get back to you when the scene’s in the can. Go, dude. Make me proud.”

Jensen pocketed his phone and got into the waiting taxi. Leaning back in the seat his mind relived all he and Jared had experienced together for the last fifteen years, and unnoticed and unwanted, a tiny tear formed itself in the corner of his eye. 

At that moment he made a vow to himself. He’d play Dean Winchester again, one more time.  
He didn’t know when or how, all he was certain of was that he would. And Jared would be at his side.  
Somehow the thought lifted his mood and he felt better. Yeah, Bring it on baby. Just like Jared had said, he’d show them. He’d kick ass as Soldier boy! He'd make Jared proud!

The end


End file.
